Etiquette For Time Travelers
by Constance Adams
Summary: A little guide on how to behave properly when you find yourself in the time of our favorite detective.
1. Default Chapter

Heh.just something I cranked out for fun. I thought it was a clever idea.  
  
~~  
  
Etiquette for Time Travelers  
  
Sherlockian Time  
  
So you've had the good fortune to somehow find yourself back in the time of Sherlock Holmes. The first thing is to find out what year you are in, being as he was 48 years old when he retired to the become a beekeeper. He was born in 1854 so when you do acquire the knowledge of what year it is your next step is to find out how old he is.  
  
Once that is done you probably want to know where to find him. So here we will have a handy little impromptu timeline with where he is, how old he is and when it is. For those of you too excited at this point to do even the simplest of math. Let us assume you are not going to want to find him if he is under.shall we say sixteen? We will therefore begin at that age.  
  
1870-our favorite detective is at the lovely age of sixteen, a virile young teenager, oh wouldn't we all love to be so lucky. He is with his father and mother in St. Malo. You got to go back in time, getting passage there shouldn't be too hard. Or you may wait until April of the next year and he will be at the farmstead of Mycroft, the place where he was born.  
  
1874-he's turned twenty now and is off to college in Cambridge. So head off to Cambridge and seek out Gonville and Calus College and finding our dearest gumshoe shouldn't be too hard.  
  
1881 a year we know oh so well. Holmes is 28 and he and Watson move into the most famous address in the entire world. I am sure I do not need to tell you where they are and if I do you don't deserve to be there.  
  
1890-1894 He has disappeared and is thought dead. To assist you if you find yourself in this difficult time we prove the sketchy details of where he may have been. In June of 1891 it is said he met up with Irene Adler in Cettinge and then later that year and until 1893 he was traveling all over Norwegian territories under the name of Sigerson. It was April 5th in 1894 that he returned to Baker Street.  
  
From there he stayed at Baker Street until he moved to tend to his bees. Now we get into how to approach the detective. In addition to this we would like to add that should demand be great enough we will publish "Seducing Sherlock Holmes.For Dummies."  
  
Manners are a most important part of Victorian culture. Ladies, I hate to say it but first thing is to acquire some clothing appropriate for the time. You will need to wear the restrictive dresses and I know that's not appealing but remember, we're doing this for Holmes and I do not think that showing up in a tank top and Levi jeans is going to help him cope with your presence.  
  
Now that you have somehow acquired clothing we will assume you have some money to your name, if you don't how did you get those clothes? Anyway, money in hand please hail a handsome cab. Remember this phrase should be said as sweetly as possible drama lessons do help. "Can you please take me to Baker Street?" If you have a nice driver he will ask the exact address and take you there promptly, if not the streets are much like they are here, odds on one side, evens on left.219 comes before 221.so on and so forth.  
  
So you have arrived. Ah joy, here however is not the time to lose your cool, this is the hard part. You will approach his door and knock, or ring the bell if the technology is available at the time. Mrs. Hudson will probably answer said door and you will need to think of something to say that will get her to lead you to the sitting room where he will be waiting. Remember, it is okay to be vague; it is not okay to lie.  
  
Now, you are in his sitting room. There is little more I can do for you but say this. Do not scream, squeal, drool, attack him, faint or say anything stupid. This will not endear him to you and in most cases would not be polite. Simple explain that you have a very personal matter to discuss with him and could you have a moment of his time.  
  
Once this is gained it is how you chose to go about it (or you if have read "Seducing Sherlock Holmes for Dummies" you may reference that.) but remember these helpful hints  
  
Say please and thank you whenever they seem necessary.  
  
If he offers you tea accept, even if you do not like it.  
  
Drink it all but do not request a second cup.  
  
Whether he knows what time you hail from or not do not mention anything about him you know that would be impolite.  
  
When sitting hook your ankles, do not cross your legs, and fold your hands neatly in your lap.  
  
Do not fidget.  
  
If he tells you about yourself and is wrong, do not come out and say so, tell him what a wonderful job he did and that you are very impressed. Then ease gently into him being wrong.  
  
Most importantly, if he begins to smoke, hold in your coughs and do not ask him to put it out, this is his home, you are a guest and it was very acceptable in the time you now find yourself in.  
  
This is the last bit I can offer you on your manners; just remember that it is common sense. If he seems aggravated, apologize; remember that in these times as a woman you were considered fragile and not the equal of men in all things. If you go out to dinner and are presented with the ungodly amount of silverware remember, start on the outside and work your way in, and take small, bites. In between each bite take a small sip and then gently dab at your lips with your napkin. Do not decline any foods given to you just pick at it gently and suffer through a few small bites. I hope that you find this little I can offer helpful and may it bring you all that much closer to winning the cold detective's heart.  
  
In closing I hope that you can figure out the rest on your own and also know that should this leave you wanting you may send us feedback and maybe one day you will find yourself in possession of the continuum of this which we feel we cannot mention too many times, "Seducing Sherlock Holmes For Dummies."  
  
~~Best Wishes, Constance Adams and the rest of the staff here at Etiquette for Time-Travelers. 


	2. Default Chapter

Wow. *sniffle* I feel so loved by all of you. I do however have bad news about Seducing Sherlock.  
  
I WILL WRITE IT! DON'T LEAVE!  
  
It is simply that I have been typing it since I posted this story and I am no where near a place where I am happy with it. I will try to get it done by Christmas but that's a lot of pressure on a poor 16-year-old. I mean in a few days I start Junior year and I have to be on my best behavior so that the college I want into will let me in. So how about I make a deal with all of you. On Christmas day I will post an update about it and if I have it to a point where I am happy with it I will just out and post it. Can that keep you all happy enough not to steal my best idea ever? I really am working hard on it like I said and I think that if you are patient you'll get a really great big happy surprise!  
  
Does that work for all of you?  
  
I hope so. And to tide you over, the updated title.  
  
Seducing Sherlock Holmes for Raving Fangirls.(and Watson)  
  
1 Fangirl in the good sense not the bad one  
  
2 It's going to be like me, it shall attempt to be serious but cannot stay serious without at least one or two jokes. That (and Watson) shall be a running gag throughout.  
  
Now I would like to take the time since I have your attention to thank all those who have reviewed recently. So here we go with that.  
  
Z.Riley --- Well thank you. *^_^*  
  
March Hare-Before I get to your review I blame anything I write on you since it was mainly you and your works that got me writing Sherlock Holmes stuff. It's all your fault. Okay now to your review. Yes I actually am going to be writing this, though the full title has been decided and is stated above. You can preorder it as if you do not mind I will occasionally use you as an example if you don't mind terrible (In the sense that what you do is very well not in a bad way) I am still touched and surprised that you think me a capable enough author to do a good job on such a book.  
  
On a side note, Imp, Kerowyn and Wakizashi will also be mentioned as good examples occasionally if you all do not mind terribly since it was you four that inspired me to do the best job possible and to post my stories. Imp I would especially like your permission since you did not seem too keen on the idea of a book on how to Seduce Sherlock.  
  
Imp-Your idea is so tempting though. Personally I think you should do something along the lines of Sherlock at least finding this particular section of Fanfiction, the outcome would no doubt be hilarious and from your work I think that you are more than up to the challenge. Thank you for the pointers though this was meant merely in jest I will remember those facts for future stories.  
  
Jo Halcyon-You are welcome, and I agree, it is popular around here. *Sneaks off to steal a time machine*  
  
Pompey, no I did not get my name from there, it is the name of Watson's first wife and I just found it on the internet, and yes you are right I should point out certain four letter words one should not use in the company of said detective.  
  
Chibi Hermione-I am glad you found it amusing you were supposed to ^_^ And your other question is answered above.  
  
Queen Hotaru---I don't know, what did you have in mind? ^_^  
  
Adelaide Holmes-I will post it don't worry and I will do my best to help you get inside his.head.  
  
Black Rose20-TEN COPIES! Wow! That certainly is quite a demand. I hope that my deal is good enough that you will allow me enough time to write it well enough. I mean I have March Hare thinking I can do it but I am not quite so sure and would like enough time to make it as good as you all think I can do. *^_^  
  
Kelskier16---Well should you ever find yourself in the 1800's do tell the detective I said hello. 


	3. The ongoing saga of evil technology

Okay announcement on that Seducing Sherlock thing.  

Alright here is the short version.

I had 50 pages of random-ness than in my eyes was funny as hell and pretty cool.

My evil computer then deleted the whole thing and a spent three days moping.  Two days later I sat down and for 27 hours I typed and ended up with 25 pages not as good but to be edited later.

It deleted that.

Six hours on the phone with Dell Tech support and I learned that they are all evil horrible idiots who need to die.  They finally talk to me and say that it was just a one time glitch but if I liked they could delete my whole hard drive and get whatever virus I thought I may have downloaded. 

Arg.

So then school started.  Now I am typing this and starting over AGAIN.  I just wanted to let you know that I was going to do the best that I could and that if you want me done faster you can email my teachers and ask them to lay off on the homework.  Hey if you are really good email my history teacher.  He's Satan.

Okay so on to the good news.

Uhm….I am going to forego the hard stuff to write and start with the easy part, basically just get what I can written as quickly as I can in the hope that that will give me confidence.  Cause see now I am writing it on paper so that it won't be deleted and then I am going to type it when it's done and save every three and a half minutes and in four different places. 

If you want me to go faster email me.  I would love to hear what ideas you have for it and where I may ignore them they will give me confidence that people want to read this.  And there was something else…..oh yeah….no…I think that's it….

~~Constance Adams and her last marble


End file.
